What do you do when your friend's got cancer?
(*Hey gang it's me for a minute - thank you Abbi for taking the time out to write this - she's been one of the best friends throughout all of this and I couldn't have asked for a better friend. I've had countless amounts of different tea (she's like a walking tea shop this gal), chemo visits, love island get togethers (yaas) and Harry potter visits.. but over all she has listened to me while I rented about feeling shite & has heard every clinic visit, every blood or scan result and every doctor's plan (& there's A LOT). And she's also been there while I was "pissing out my bum" (as I call ir.. basically when I had moviprep pre op which is where you get every amount of poo you have in your body out - sorry Abbi I've probablt just lost a load of readers). Just to add, if your struggling what to do if your friend or family member has cancer, BE ACTIVE AND DO STUFF, you can say the right words over and over again but just actually do something and be there physically - oh and READ THIS!!💜💪)
(The italics is me, actual me, the one with Olga me)
ABBI HAS TAKEN OVER:
Thank you, Maryann, for letting me take over your blog!
To all of Maryann's lovely readers, my name is Abbi and Maryann and I go way back to secondary school, some 14 years ago (wow that makes me feel old! - you are old), we were in the same form at school and had a great bunch of friends. As teenagers we were (and still are) horsey mad and spent hours riding our ponies together and going from one yard to another doing all things horsey (and dressing the poor horses in weird expensive gear). Massive shout out to our parents who drove us back and forth A LOT! We then went to the same college and also worked together as waitresses, just generally messing around (closest to Cambridge uni we ever got).
Fast forward to us in our mid-twenties with full-time jobs as well as studying (shout out to Abbi guys who's doing a PHD in scientific research - so proud!!). Keeping up with each other is harder now, but our tactic has always been multitasking by catching up and exercising at the same time (and she brings me tea!). Either in gym classes, where we're desperately trying to keep up with the dance workout (and failing) or out running where we are much more comfortable. We both enjoy running (new York marathon - don't forget!) and have become running buddies crushing goals together and supporting each other along the way. Maryann and I even ran a fast 10km whilst Olga (all be it smaller than her final form - bitch) was developing without us even knowing that was the issue!
That's the back story out the way, now the bit you've actually come to read... What do you do when your friends got cancer?
I've spent an evening reading our text messages going all the way back to the start of Maryann's discomfort right through to the diagnosis and then during treatment. It was slightly surreal reading the earlier texts where cancer wasn't really in our thoughts knowing what we do now, and what Maryann has been through.
I remember chatting to Maryann throughout her investigations, but I'll never forget reading the words 'Ovarian Cancer' and 'Chemo', and how it felt to process it. It finally hit me when I was in a yoga class and it felt like a tonne of bricks hit my stomach (and that wasn't the IBS this time...), my best friends got cancer.
I went home and had a little cry, but after that, I knew I had to be there for Maryann in any way I could. Knowing Maryann there's only so much "I'm so sorry for you" and "stay strong" she would want to hear, so I wanted to be a 'normal friend' (she's not normal 😉) and chat all things horses/running/life with her. We chatted about her cancer in quite a clinical sense reading back over our conversation (nurse and scientist here), but I think keeping the conversation straight to the point helped us to get through everything, and after the initial shock, we talked all things medical in a pretty casual manner despite the seriousness of it all. We weren't going to let Olga have the limelight that's for sure!!
What really helped me process Maryann's diagnosis was listening to the podcast 'You, Me and the Big C' with Rachael Bland, Deborah James and Lauren Mahon, all of which have had cancer. Sadly Rachael passed away in 2018 after nearly two years of fighting breast cancer. These three ladies are inspiring and talk so openly about their diagnoses and experiences it really helped me understand what Maryann was going through and how I could be the best friend for her. I highly recommend listening.
*Link to the podcast below* One other way I processed Maryann's diagnosis was retail therapy of course (my weakness)!! Now, Maryann and I are OBSESSED with all things Harry Potter and as best friends should be, we are in the same Hogwarts house (hello to any Hufflepuffs reading this - Yaaaas). Obviously, I went on a Harry Potter shopping spree and bought all things Hufflepuff to cheer her up. I got an awesome Hufflepuff fleece which was perfect for sitting in the hospital during chemo (that went down a treat!) BUT the best thing I did was to book tickets to the Harry Potter studio tour at Christmas time (bonus gift to myself too... #winning), which meant Maryann had something super exciting to focus on passed her chemo dates (FAV PLACE - I'm still waiting my letter) I also went to one of her chemo sessions and thoroughly embarrassed her by singing along to the musical we decided to watch (I think it was Pitch Perfect... can't quite remember) and then quoting St Trinian's line's when we started watching that, sorry not sorry! Throughout Maryann's treatment, we'd catch up over a cup of tea or go for a walk and just chat about anything and everything. It's so important to remember to just be normal when someone is going through cancer, that's one of the key things I took from 'You, Me and the Big C'. Why should your friendship/relationship/support network change because of some stupid illness? Just be you and they can just be them if anything that's the best thing you can do if you know someone going through cancer diagnosis or treatment.
Haven't I just got the best friends? 💜
Link to youmeandthebigc =
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0608649/episodes/downloads