So, I’ve jumped a little bit far forward in the journey.. I’m PREGNANT. I will add onto the post-op and chemo blog as well but with little old Rona (commonly known as - Coronavirus, Covid-19) going around I felt like writing something positive (doubt you want Rona AND chemo) so I figured a little baby blog would a) cheer people up b) provide information for those in remission who are either going through a pregnancy or are thinking about it
c) provide hope for couples or individuals who are feeling down about conception or infertility and show it is possible
d) provide some nice, honest advice about pregnancy (i'll keep it regular and the side effects you get, like constipation and shitting pellets - told you i'd be honest) So I decided to start with how I found out.
So I have 2 sisters, 1 lives near me and the other (the nurse – I don’t know why I felt the need to say that but yep, she’s a nurse.. think I’ve mentioned her before and will again soon in the “post-op” blog as remember bab when you tried to give me dalterparin and it fucking hurt??) lives up in Newcastle (so about 4 hours drive from mine).. I went to see her just after Christmas as we both work in the hospital and both don’t stop over Christmas (unfortunately patients are still poorly then). I was super tired but was due on my period, because of old Olive the ovary ticking away on her own now, she’s usually 3-5 days later each month to come on so I didn’t think much of it. Fast forward about 10 days later, I still hadn’t come on and I was getting stomach cramps, bloating, changes in bowel habits, kept weeing.. only difference between pregnancy symptoms and ovarian cancer symptoms is sore boobs (which oh my god, my nipples felt like they were being sliced with razors.. sorry, got to be honest girls!) but of course, I thought my cancer had come back. I was pretty chilled at this point and thought, I’ll just do a pregnancy test and (my literal words in my head to myself ) “when it comes back negative I’ll ring up my specialist nurse and say I think Olga has come back". Nope.. first test, only way I can describe it is the moment that wee touched that stick it glowed positive. If that’s not a tests way of screaming in my face YOU’RE PREGNANT, YOU HAVEN’T GOT CANCER, then I don’t know what is. Anyway, I didn’t believe it did I (why do I do this to myself) and started being like, hmmm test might be expired (it wasn’t) or, it is a one off and I’ll just do another 1.. or 3, which yep, is what I did. I was actually at work, on a long day, on a Sunday (because people don't stop being poorly on weekends either..) and it was about 3.30 at this point so I text Chuks to go to tesco and get some emergency pregnancy tests (first he’d even heard of this pregnany as well but he was so chilled about it.. glad someone was, I was going nuts). He whizzed up to tesco and grabbed a pack of 2 which he hid under a bottle of milk because we ALWAYS see someone we know in that tesco (which he did so good thinking babe! Haha). He text me to say 1) he had got the pregnancy tests & 2) he was making cake (haha). I drove home in tears, no idea why I was even crying.. think it was the shock of it, and it was all a bit overwhelming (thank god it was dark because no one driving past could see me, if not they’d have been like.. is she alright??). I turned up at home to see Chuks baking away in the kitchen with all the lights on, calm as anything and then there was me in tears at the door step – Chuks was like why are you crying omg!? Haha – the difference between the 2 of us.
Anyway, I ran upstairs to piss on 2 more sticks (lovely description – good job I’m no midwife) & yup, 3 very POSITIVE pregnancy (GLOW straight away as soon as the wee touched it type POSITIVE) tests later and I was starting to get my head around that a miracle may of happened. It was more believable to me that I was having false positive tests and had Olga back then it was that I had a little bubba inside me (I honestly thought Chuks and I – ooh check my good grammar out – were going to be struggling in 5 years time and having to have conversations with my oncology team re: IVF).
So that night, after I did the panic 3 pregnancy tests, I went to bed very confused, very surreal (sometimes I think it would be nice to be one of the people who had this all planned out and it would be a time for celebrating like mad, no over thinking etc but it is what it is – #loveisland). I had a long day the next day.. couldn’t sleep and then fell asleep to only wake up with excruciating abdominal pain (cheers body) (which now I think was either stress, anxiety or *implantation pain – probably a mixture of all 3) but I am good with pain, this was awful. I was wriggling around in bed, didn’t and couldn’t get myself up to even get pain relief or get a drink.. it lasted a good 1 hour at its peak and I very nearly called 111 for advice but then fell asleep. Went to work the next day like an absolute zombie, very confused and probably not with it either, thinking constantly that I needed to tell the GP ASAP.
*implantation pain = a type of pain experienced when the fertilised egg attatches itself to the lining of the uterus.
Fast forward the next day (I survived work) and I tell my GP, I say about this abdominal pain and all the symptoms.. say about the 4 positive pregnancy tests and she very politely told me I was a bit of an idiot for over thinking (agreed) and that she was 99.9% sure I was pregnant, she went “ermmm how many pregnancy tests have you done again?” and “and you’ve got sore boobs right?”– haha, oops. She booked me in for blood tests. So, the test they look for in pregnancy is *Tumour HCG (which some of you might have tested normally in your check up bloods – which I do too). The idea is in early pregnancy this blood marker will double within 48hrs in a healthy pregnancy (please note: not all pregnant women will get this, just high risk or people panicking with ex cancer like me – normally you’d just tell your GP and be booked into your first scan & midwife appointment). I had my first lot of bloods taken that day at the GP and then realised I was at work when I needed the next one (luckily, being a nurse has some perks as it means I work in a hospital.. with people who take bloods all the time), so off I popped to the phlebotomy room on my break, as you do, while stuffing my face with salt and vinegar snack a jacks - #definitecravingatthetime – while being looked at my members of the public why on earth a nurse was having bloods done (because everyone knows nurses can’t have anything wrong - or in this case right- with them ;-) ).
The wait for those bloods to come back was a horrible wait, I knew that if it hadn’t doubled there was either “something else going on” (the GPs words not mine) OR the pregnancy wasn’t feasible and something had gone wrong (which is probably one of the worst feelings in the world and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone). One minute I’m adamant I’m not pregnant and the next minute I am being over protective mum of 2020 ready to prepare for WW3 & hoping and praying bubs was okay!
..Nah, they’d doubled.. well more than doubled so bubs was thriving (probs the over dose amount salt and vinegar kicking in). I wasn’t completely out the blue though, this proved a positive pregnancy but unfortunately because some team of surgeons decided to slice open my stomach from top to bottom (#thisisarcasm.. I mean they really did slice me open but for good reason and I’m thankful) I was at high risk for an ectopic pregnancy. Now when you only have 1 ovary as it is, to be at risk of an ectopic & potentially have to have your other ovary and tube removed, you can imagine its not the greatest of positions to be in. I went a bit mental (like I have in previous blogs, #crazywoman) and googled ectopic pregnancy symptoms, didn’t have any so chilled out a bit.
My GP was 100% on board and asked me to contact my oncology team and she would contact the obstetric consultant team and the early pregnancy clinic and book in an early scan for me and get back to me. So.. within one day I was on the phone to all these people and was actually being a wimp about letting my specialist nurse know as my consultant had advised not to try for a baby for at least the first 5 years (for my sake as I’m still being closely monitored) so I thought I would be told off by them (haha, I hate being told off – which is funny as I used to misbehave in 2ndry school out of boredom and find it funny to be told off #howtimeshchange - so I didn’t want to ring because I’m a wimp!). Anyway after psyching myself up, I rang. My specialist nurse was worried because I had originally left a message saying “I have been told by the GP to ring you” and then once she realised what it was she was SO happy. She then rang and my consultant said how excited she was, that they’d continue to monitor me and work closely with the radiographers/obstetric team to provide the best care but they were all so supportive.
So I then get a call from my maternity hospital, nice little scan booked in with the consultant in a week. The downside to being in health care is you pick up things and realise that a scan at 6 weeks means one thing THE INTERNAL DILDO SCAN!!
Urgh. And so the loosing dignity, vagina on west end show begins.
*Next time: All about the internal scans and the early pregnancy/1st trimester symptoms.